Take one of the paragraphs that you developed for your paper and examine the paragraph for unity, word usage, and clarity.
Consider the following:
- Does the paragraph have a clear topic sentence that supports your main claim?
- Does the evidence in the paragraph support the topic sentence?
- Is there better evidence available that would add weight to the support of your topic sentence?
- Does the analysis of the evidence lead back to your main claim?
Then examine the paragraph for wording:
- Read the paragraph aloud.
- Look at your nouns. Are they concrete? Do they effectively describe the person, place, thing or idea that you are attempting to communicate?
- Do you overuse adjectives to get your point across?
- Look at your verbs. How many "to be" verbs do you see? Could you take out or replace that verb with a stronger one?
- Do you overuse adverbs to get your point across?
- Do you unnecessarily repeat words or phrases to get your point across?
Do your final edit of the paragraph by considering:
- Read the paragraph aloud one more time (or have someone else read the paragraph to you), and climb into the shoes of your audience.
- Pause on commas. Stop on periods. Use a different voice for quotations. As silly as this may sound, this is how your reader might interpret your writing.
- Is your writing clear? If not, try rearranging words, and/or lengthening or shortening sentences.
Now, rewrite the paragraph in its best incarnation and post it here.
Due before class on Feb. 17th.
Asia in general is widely known for their successes in academics and developments. There are many countries such as Korea, for example, that have segregated school systems. The segregation of genders lasts throughout the elementary years at very least. Gender segregation is implemented so that the children do not get distracted and get the best education possible. The reason it is so important in Asia is because in Asian family dynamics, it is almost a legacy that is expected to be carried on to care for their families their whole lives. Family dynamics in the United States are typically a little varying. Due to the high diversity in the U.S., there are many families that would like to send their children to a same sex schools but cannot do so as they normally would in their home countries the way it was when they grew up. Gender segregation is often frowned upon, but one needs to consider how it is working for other countries and take that into consideration.
ReplyDeletePoverty has a great impact on the quality of education a child receives. Children born into poverty are at a disadvantage when starting school. Studies show that children born into poverty have smaller brains compared to children born into better off families (Hanson, Hair, Shen, Shi, Gilmore, Wolfe, and Pollak 10). Poverty also dictates what schools a child can attend. Whether their parents could afford high quality preschool, or preschool at all. Too many children from poor inner city families drop out of school in order to support their families.
ReplyDeleteP.Breckenridge
One aspect of the sexualization of young girls is the clothing made available for them. There are many types of clothing that a girl can choose from and she could show multiple sides of her personality with a change in wardrobe. The “artsy” girl or the “sporty” girl or the “”nerdy” girl, all offer an opportunity for a girl to try on different personas and discover how she wants to be seen. The confusion comes when “sexy” clothes are made for young girls to wear. This opens a new door for young girls where they are trying to discover what “sexy” means and how it can fit into their view of themselves. These adult fashion concepts appeal to many young girls because they want to be grown up and not seen as little kids. The problems that can come with adding this to a young girl’s life include a skewed view of self, possible adult attention that the girl may not know how to deal with, unrealistic body image and even possible unwanted physical advances.
ReplyDeleteTelevision has really distorted how people view the work of law enforcement. Often times, we think that a career in law enforcement would be fun and exciting and almost no one realizes how it can take a toll on you, both physically and emotionally. No matter how much training people have, nothing prepares them for the gruesome, heartbreaking, and astonishing things they may have to encounter.
ReplyDeleteIn the pop culture world, there is massive evidence of the under or misrepresentation of minorities in the media. A woman in a popular film is always out numbered by her male counterparts. BET, owned by a white massive conglomeration, broadcasts original movies of African Americans in a negative way providing a vision that African Americans could only be from the hood, drug dealers, absent mothers/fathers, or involved in some type of violent struggle. Could it be that someone is telling the stories of minorities creating a false accusation of their lives truly are or that is all about the power of the 6 massive media conglomerates and the money they strive to make? There are very few women produce or have power in the film industry, as well as the fact that there are very few African Americans who are directors, screenwriters, producers, and playwrighters. Tyler Perry is one of the very few African Americans who have successfully and equally written stories from a perspective of a minority. Who gives minorities a voice and the power to choose how they are represented, and how does that lack of power effect pop culture today? Would a black woman still be portrayed as the angry, violent, abusive, yet innocent mother who has had children at a young age? Or would Latinos be seen as sexual objects of pleasure with little to no education? Popular culture portraying women to be sticks with no backbone or power will not always be how women allow will themselves to be represented. It time women and minorities take a more proactive role in defining their existence in popular culture.
ReplyDelete